What's in a name? :)

During the recent prayer meeting with my beloved CLC group, Pyros, we reflected on the Gospel where Jesus told Mary and St. John (the Apostle) to take care of each other.  We talked about what it is like to have genuine concern for people, knowing them by name and making them feel “visible”. Our guide, ate Tinnah, asked us to observe our routine and think about the people we  regularly interact with but have not taken the time to get to know even by name.

So I have been observing my routine and realized that there are a lot of people I meet on a regular basis who I do not know by name, like the butcher from the grocery, the yayas of Ben’s closest friends and the secretaries of Ben's swimming school.  I'm sure there are still other people I haven't thought about.  I will challenge myself to let go of my shyness and ask for their names.

When I was still getting to know my brother-in-law, Popoy, one of the things that impressed me about him was whenever we eat out, he would take the time to know our servers by name.  You can observe that they way he would call the name of our servers whenever he would order food and make additional requests was highly appreciated.  Since that time, I made it a point to also try to do it as well (so excuse me for seeming weird as I read the name plates when we are at restaurants, haha)

Anyway, in the same light, I also appreciate it when people know me by name.  At school, it warms my heart when people know me as mommy Nats and not as Ben's mom or the twins' mom.  I personally respond to them better because I know there's an effort to know me a bit better, no matter how simple it seems.

We want to be a good example to our kids.  To make an effort to recognize a person by name is a way to show that you care.  I think this is a concept that we can try passing along to our children.  I still have a long way to go, but I hope to do better.  

What about you? Are there people on your regular routine you would like to know by name? How do you feel when people call you by name?

Parenting the "Positive Parent" Way : A Summary

I had heard a lot about Positive Discipline and being a mom to 3 kids with different personalities, I want to know how Bry and I can effectively reach out to them.  Practicing Positive Discipline takes a lot of commitment, sometimes going against the norm of how parents treat their kids.  Despite all the books I've read, I still feel a bit lost as to how to go about it.  So, when I heard that there's a workshop on Positive Disicpline by Clarice Talavera-Aviñante, I was very much interested.

I was a bit anxious leaving the kids for a whole day, but it was time well spent.  Aside from being oriented with the tools. We had exercises where we got to experience what its like being in our kids shoes.  Also, it was a chance to connect with like-minded parents who we can count on for support even after the workshop.

Positive discipline believes that children deserve to be respected, feel that they belonged and more importantly, loved unconditionally.  There is a way to do this and instill discipline in your kids.  Here are some of the basics.

Focus on Natural Consequences

In order for children to see the connection of their present actions to what happens to them in the future, it is important to familiarize them with natural consequences.  For example, should Ben refuse to go inside the car when it’s time for him to go home, it is better to give him a choice of going inside the car now or walking home later rather than get angry, have a power struggle and ground him.

Give Kids Time to Cool-Off when they’re very upset

When Ben throws a tantrum, rather than get angry at him for feeling upset, Bry and I can try having him stay in a comfortable place to cool off on his own.  This is different from time-out where you punish a child by asking him to stand in a corner.  To cool off means to bring a child to a place where he can relax and feel calm.  Ben got very upset recently and I was so tempted to get angry myself because he was not being polite anymore.  I t look a lot of willpower to ask him to stay in one part of the living room with a book (which co-incidentally was about a cranky bear) and some food.  I just left him there and he eventually calmed down.

Get Mommy-Daddy time-outs too!

If you feel you’re going to explode out of anger, take a step back, go out of the room and cool down.  Easier said than done, believe me!  There were many times when I wished I was able to calmly tell Ben that I am not ready to talk to him and leave before I throw a “tantrum” on my own.  I promise to do better in the future

Power of a Hug

The sense of touch can be very disarming, specifically a hug.  The trick here is instead of giving a child a hug when he/she is upset, ask for one by saying “I need a hug”.  It makes him/her feel important, that she/he has a choice, and besides, chances are, you do really need one at that moment, too

Know your child’s love language and temperament

Some kids communicate their love through words, some through hugs (touch), by expressing that they want to spend time with you, etc.  How they communicate their love is also the best way to show it to them.  Since each child is different, be aware of their individual love language so you can fill up their “love tank”.  Among the twins, Bea seems to be the more verbal while Bree is the touchy-feely one.

As for temperament, knowing your child’s activity level, ease in adapting to new situations, and distractibility will help you understand if she/he is easy or slow to warm up.   Once you understand your child’s temperament better, you can identify better if his/her actions are part of his/her personality or is actually misbehaving.

Encourage rather than Praise

When you encourage your kid, you empower him, giving him confidence to try harder.  Instead of saying “I’m proud of you”, try saying “You did it” or “ I see that you worked very hard on this one”.  It makes them focus on improving themselves and not merely seek the approval of others.

Give Positive and Clear Instructions

We had an exercise where we were given instructions with the facilitator saying “ Don’t  Stand”, “Don’t Open your Mouth” etc.  It was just short but draining! Since the instructions start with the word “don’t”, it took time for me to process and ask myself “so if I can’t do this, what can I do?” we did another round where the instructions were “Sit”, “Close your Mouth” etc.  They were much easier to follow.  A simple adjustment but it makes a difference.

Connection before Correction

Before you correct your child, show concern and ask questions.  Make him /her feel that you respect his/her feelings so he/she will be more responsive. 

Be an Asking Parent (vs. a Telling Parent)

Encourage your child to “think, think, think” by asking instead of imposing.  Ask questions like ‘What is next in the routine or what do you have to do to have healthy teeth” instead of saying “brush your teeth”

Have family meetings

I have not done this and for me, this is one of the most challenging to implement.  Take time out 15-20 minutes in a week to sit down and talk about your issues and plans.  Assign a chairperson and secretary to make it official.  Another thing that makes family meeting special is you start with paying compliments to each other.  This enables a child become more comfortable in receiving compliments and begin the meeting in a positive note.

Set dates with you kids

Take time even just 15-20 minutes to have a date with each child as a way to fill up their love tank.  It doesn’t have to be out of the house, it can be a game of Pictionary or cooking a snack.  Having quality time with your kids not only will help you get to know them individually but make them respect your time as well.

Wow … seems like lots to take in, huh? I am far from practicing all these but I’m grateful and willing to slowly try these tools out.  What I realize is being parent is a learning process, and if  we want our kids to be conscious of their actions, we must ne conscientious parents as well.  Also, let us know be afraid to go against the flow of how parenting has been done through the years, times are changing and we can apply what we learned from the past with new concepts to find your own style.

Relactation training with Arugaan

Last month, I had the opportunity to learn from Arugaan's Nanay Ines Fernandez and Nanay Rechilda about how to counsel women who wish to relactate.  Relactation means helping women who have stopped nursing their babies to go back to breastfeeding.  Another case is for adoptive moms who want to breastfeed their babies.

Nanay Ines explains the importance of lactation massages (which involves the whole body)

The most important thing I have learned is to believe in our capacity as women to produce milk and be comfortable with our own bodies.  Basically, we all have stored milk in our bodies waiting to be stimulated.  The best way to do is through lactation massages and direct feeding the baby.

For moms who haven't nursed their baby or had stopped breastfeeding for a long time, it is still possible to breastfeed but it involves a lot work so you have to be committed and keep an open mind.  The priority of course is making sure the baby is fed so this might involve giving the baby donated breast-milk.  This is usually given via cup and / or drip drop feeding.  Drip drop feeding involves letting milk drip via spoon to the mom breast as she directs feed her baby.  The beauty of this is it encourages the baby to direct feed  (by speeding up the milk flow).

In line with this, one of the things you have to be ready for is giving up the bottle all together.  You feed your baby direct, via cup, and in some cases, a wet nurse.  A baby and mom who aren't used to direct feeding may need help from a mommy-baby-nursing duo.  A nursing mom can help a non-nurser position properly and a nursing baby's latch can help proper stimulate a re-lactating mom's milk supply and flow.

The concept may seem new, intimidating and complicated for some, but it can be done.  This is also one of the ways that best shows how breastfeeding success involves support from the people around the mom and child.  

Why go through all the hard work? Moms who relactate do so for various reasons but the bottomline is they are motivated by the benefits of breastfeeding and the risks of not doing so.  Some moms felt they didn't get the proper support and information in the beginning and are hoping for a second chance.  It may not be easy but its time and energy well spent.  Of course, as breastfeeding peer counselors, we really hope that with the proper information and support, a mom will be able to breastfeed successfully from the start.  However, it is comforting to know that just in case things do not go as planned, there are other options.

with fellow trainees, Nanay Ines, Nanay Rech, and moms who helped us get some hands on experience during traning

Thank You to the ladies of LATCH and Arugaan for the opportunity :)

Photos courtesy of LATCH Facebook Page

Ben's final year at Explorations

I recently had my last PTC with Ben at Explorations.  It was bitter sweet because he had come a long way since he started school and I will miss these opportunities of the school setting aside one hour to talk about your child. Over the years, Ben has learned to regulate his emotions better, be more sensitive to others and find creative ways to solve problems.  I hope these skills will help him do well as he moves on to big school next year.

I must admit, I was not a very "diligent" mom when I was scouting schools for Ben.  I mean, I didn't visit a lot of schools, but narrowed my choices only to a select few then relied on feedback from my mommy friends.  There no regrets, however :)  Explorations has become Ben's second home and I appreciated not only the things he learned from school but the genuine concern the teachers and staff have for its students.  I have grown and evolved as a parent because of the things I've learned from the people at school.  More importantly, with each chat with a teacher, I had come to know Ben better.  The same goes with the girls.  They really try to treat them individually even if they are twins.  I also like that they see teaching kids as a collaborative effort between school and the home.  One of the things I surely will miss about Explorations are the regular updates on how Ben is doing.

I admit, I am very nervous about Ben moving up to Xavier.  But at same time, Ben and I move up to big school with a grateful heart for everything Explorations has done for us.  Enjoy the rest of the school year, my little man!

(Photos by Lawrence del Mundo)

Valentine Post 2015: Our Favorite Date Places

Bry and I love to eat :) We like trying out new restaurants and having date nights are a treat for us.  We try to have one each week but ever since we had the twins, it has been a challenge.  Still, here are a few restaurants that we've tried and loved over the years.  We'd love to hear your own version of your favorite ones so we can try them.  

So, In time for the day of hearts,I will attempt to share tidbit of our favorite restaurants.  Take note that we live on San Juan-Mandaluyong area so locations is a factor, hehe :)

Le Jardin
+63 9178176584
Penthouse, W Fifth Avenue Building, 5th Avenue Corner 32nd Street, Bonifacio Global City

Why we love it:  The ambience is very "maaliwalas" since it has a garden theme.  Very nice service, they even assign you a parking slot if you reserve ahead.  

What we ordered: Our favorite was the seared scallops with mashed potatoes from the hot appetizers, and the braised beef cheek with foie gras from the main course:)

Quirky Bacon
192 Wilson St. San Juan
+63 9279184189

02 5702494

Why we love it: Very convenient location for us, haha! (If you know us, you know how convenient the location is).  Also, the casual feel of the restaurant makes it ideal for an impromptu date night.  Plus, we are meat eaters so we are the target audience of the menu

What we usually order: Pork Panalo, Seared Wagyu Steak Plate, and of course, Chef Sharwin's drop dead fried rice.  Oh, and ask for the specials for more options from the menu.

La Creperie: 
Branches at the Shangri-la Mall (Mandaluyong); Robinsons (Ortigas); 403 F. Calderon St.,Bgy. Little Baguio (San Juan); New Manila, E. Abada and Salcedo Vilage

Why we love it: no matter how much we eat, there's always a space in our tummies for their crepe.  I like that they have thin crepes which are light on the tummy.  Bry thinks we can actually finish one each.  They have a variety of choices for their main courses, too

Our favorite in the menu: Mango Hazelnut au Chocolat - Choco crepe with Mangoes and Almonds.  Need, I say more? 

Aubergine 
32nd and 5th Building 5th Avenue cor. 32nd Street Fort Bonifacio 1634
856 9888

Why we like it there: Classic restaurant for a very special occasion.  I can never get enough of Foie Gras!

What we order: Foie Gras Salad and the Surf and Turf

Chef Jessie
8906543  , 8907630
Ground Floor, Rockwell Club, Amorsolo Square, Amorsolo Drive, Rockwell Center

Why we love it there: classic dishes with a twist, lot of options in the menu from 3-4 course meals to a simple rice plate. Ideal for a lunch date :)

What we ordered: Bry liked the Poached Salmon with Tomato artichoke sauce.  I liked the Duck Confit in Echalote Sauce

Cafe Juanita
19 West Capitol Dr, Pasig, Metro Manila
632 0357

Why we like it: Unique ambiance and Lots of choices of Filipino dishes (and other cuisines(.  

What we ordered: Sinigang na corned beef is a winner.  They are famous for their Kare-kare, too

Blackbird 
(02) 632 0357
Nielson Tower, Ayala Triangle, Makati City,
Telephone: 828-4888
Why we like it? Their ambiance makes going on a date there feels so grown up.  Fast service, too! Perfect for a couple like us who don't have the luxury of a long date night

What we loved eating: Yes, their steaks are delicious but their truffle oil lasagna with portabello mushrooms and asparagus is lovely, too.  For dessert try the burnt butter with vanilla seed ice cream sundae that comes with salted caramel, chocolate brownie and candied popcorn. Ok, I'll stop now :)

ArroZeria
02 2176563  +63 9209744742
 Fourth Floor, Century City Mall, Kalayaan Avenue, Poblacion, Makati City

Why check it out: This is a new restaurant by Chef Gene Gonzales of Vask.  They offer different kinds of rice dishes featuring different textures from soupy to saucy.  Their most famous dish is the paella valenciana.  They have a rice dish of the day, too.  We called ahead to pre-order our dish to save time.

What was interesting in the menu: the gambas was quite unique.  The shrimps are deep fried in squid ink batter. Yum!

So there you have it.  My labor of love this Valentines for family and friends who read our blog   My apologies for not having photos or more details.  As you know, I'm not a food blogger, just a mom and wife who loves to eat out.

(Finally) Nappy-free Ben :)

At last, Finally, Bry and I can say that Ben is diaper free for 2 months already.  Yes, I know this milestone for ahia is quite late compared to other kids but nevertheless we are proud of him (and of us), haha!

We've been planning Ben to be diaper free for the longest time.  It's hard not to compare yourself with other kids and parents who were able to do it earlier.  Ben has been toilet trained during the day and his naps for a very long time but during the night, it's another story.  It's actually my fault.  The twins still keep on waking up at night and I don't want to do anything to disrupt Ben's

uninterrupted sleep.  It was a good thing Bry decided to put his foot down and said that we might as well start already because that's the only way we're going to get it done.

We had many rough nights, and I'm sure there will be a lot more along the way.  I admit, I still feel bad that we have to wake Ben up in the middle of the night just to pee.  Still, I think he feels all grow-up with this milestone.  Just in time for big school, too.

Anyway, here is what we've been trying to do to help Ben stay happy and nappy free.

* Less liquids after 8:30pm in the hopes that he pees most of if before bedtime

* Making him go to the bathroom 3x as he gets ready for Ben to really empty his bladder

* Waking him up in the middle of the night at least once just to pee.  He has to be awake enough to walk to the bathroom to be able to pee something.

* Extra towels and a mattress protector for accidents.  Thank goodness, my brother and his friends import bed and bath linens! 

So that's basically it.  If you need to read more about bedtime toilet training, below is a link from Dr. Sears that I found quite helpful - http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/sleep-problems/bedwetting/8-steps-dry-nights

Sale Alert! Playroom Educational Toys

Hi, Friends!

If you are in the lookout for educational toys for kids, you might want to consider playroom educational toys :) most of their toys are card and board games so they are very compact and easy to bring along during trips.  Here are among my favorites which I think will be enjoyed by both kids and kids at heart.

I like this game because it helps one practice identifying left from right . Simple but can be challenging even for adults

This is a memory game.  You need to be focused because it might take a while before you need to identify certain cards

In this game, a player picks a card and expresses the emotion in his face for the rest of the players to guess.  Simple, but I like it because it teaches kids to be sensitive to other people's facial expressions.  

A fun group game! There are many cards with different color combinations of horses. You roll the dice to find out which color combination to look for and race who gets the card first.  It's quite easy to teach this to kids of Ben's age

A strategy card game where you protect your ducks from getting targeted and shot.  Ideal for kids 10 years old and up.

These toys are being distributed by my ninang Jeraldine Ching-Wu who are selling them now as much as 50% off.  Please feel free to contact her at +63 917 529 5358 for the list of available games and their prices.  You can also check out http://www.shop.playroomentertainment.com/main.sc

I'm always on the lookout for activities for the kids that do not involve screentime (tablets, smartphones and TVs).  Should you have some ideas, please feel free to share them.

Hope everyone had a restful weekend!