Confessions of an Insecure Mommy

Ben is almost 3 years old and I must confess that until now I still feel quite insecure about my skills as a mom.  Even if I am with Ben almost all the time, I still find myself affected with even the slightest comments about how he is raised.  My mind tells me to take everything I hear constructively and objectively see what can be done to improve things, but my heart breaks every time I am made to feel that I am not doing a good job.  I wish I'm able to just listen on one ear and let it go on the other, but I can't.  I guess it is part of my personality.  Ever since I was young I'm already easily affected by what people say and do around me.  Over time, I learned to somehow set it aside and be my own person.  However, once you become a parent, a person in charge of someone so precious, you want to be perfect and make as few mistakes as possible.  This drive to become the best mom I can be for Ben can be a good thing, but also renewed my tendencies to be insecure and sensitive.

I try to be fair, pleasant, and choose my words carefully with those around me, hoping they would do the same. I do not expect praises, just a little understanding and compassion when it comes to talking about the most important job in the world to me.  But of course, you cannot control the actions of others, only how you react to them.  I remind myself to be smart, mature, and realize that as long as my child is generally happy and healthy, I am doing an okay job.  It's easier said than done and I am work in progress.  I am far from perfect but I am doing my very best and I'm giving Ben all the love and care I have in my heart.

Drama ba? :) These thoughts have been stressing me for quite some time now and I hope that by sharing, some newbie mom out there who feels the same way would realize that she isn't alone.  More power to all of us mommies and daddies.   May we always be reminded that despite all the craziness, we are doing a fine job!

Ben vs. the cough

It's a bummer when kids get sick, more often than not you wish it was you instead. I am thankful that Ben is generally healthy but his weakness is he is prone to coughing. It's hard because he has asthma and allergies, which require different treatments. I'm so tempted to learn how to use a stethoscope so that I know how to check if his lungs are clear. Usually, if that's the case there's no need for the nebulizer, just antihistamine. If there's something in the lungs, then it could be an asthma attack (if there's no colds involved).

The worst part is when is coughs in his sleep :( Bry and I are light sleepers and it breaks our hearts to hear it. We try to make sure he sleeps on his side so that he's comfortable. It usually works but he tosses and turns while sleeping so it doesn't lasts. It's a good tip to learn, though :)

I know it's not the end of the world but I do hope we can find ways to manage his cough better, and hopefully it will lessen as he grows older. We're hoping the swimming lessons are helping with his asthma. Any other tips? Hmmm...

Here's praying all our little ones stay healthy especially with the holidays just around the corner. :)

my Pink Me Up experience

image courtesy of Pink Me Up Facebook Page

Having my nails done is a treat for me. I don't get to go to nail spas as often as I like ever since I had Ben. I've been wanting to try Pink Me Up Beauty Nail and Dry Bar when I heard about it from a friend, even more so when I found out that it's just nearby our place.  So yesterday I visited the nail spa while Ben was at school.  I had my manicure, pedicure and eyebrows thread in a little over an hour which was quick.  I requested that they do my hands and feet at the same time because I was in a bit of a rush.  Their staff were efficient and accommodating   They confirmed what exactly I want done before starting and asked if I needed anything else afterwards.  I was also glad they offered me a drink while I was there.  I don't know about you guys but I like it when I'm offered drinks at a salon or spa because it is one of the ways I feel I'm getting my money's worth.  I only availed of their nail cleaning service since I was in a rush and I'm not a fan of removing nail polish since I easily chipped them off, but I do hope to come back for a foot spa, or nail polish for a super special occasion  or maybe to have my hair blown-dry.  Sigh, I miss being kikay!  Anyway, hopefully I can bring along a friend in my next visit :)

Thanks Pink Me Up for a pleasant experience :)

Pink Me Up Beauty Nail and Dry Bar is located at the second floor of Lee Garden Condominium along Shaw Blvd, Mandaluyong.  For appointments call 3584212

Our Weaning Story and a Surprise

I breastfed Ben for about two and a half wonderful years.  We had a rough start but the journey was worth it.  When Bry and I decided to wean him,  we were ready because 1. we reached our two year goal, 2. It was during the summer break so we weren't to stressed about keeping his schedule and 3. we want to give Ben a sibling and because I had a difficult pregnancy with him, we thought it would be best to wean before trying for baby number 2.

I was nervous, scared but determined.  I think that's the first step to successful weaning, you have to be sure you are ready.  I asked for tips from moms who have weaned.  They were very supportive and encouraging. 

During our first night, I braced myself for a lot of crying.  I read somewhere about using band-aids to explain to the child that mom's "mum-mum" has "ouchie" so he can't nurse.  That's what I did with Ben.  Thankfully, he understood.  Of course, there were tears along the way.  During the first couple of nights, he'd asked to nurse but would remind himself about my "ouchie" and stop.  It was heartbreaking, I tried to give him more hugs and told him I was proud of him.  It was tiring, too because I had to find other ways to soothe him when he'd wake up in the middle of the night, often times carrying him.  Bry was a big help.  At first, Ben would resist when it was his dad comforting him at night, but my boys eventually found their own style.  We even tried having myself sleep in another room so they would not have any choice. (You would think that would give me a good night's rest but I kept on waking up wondering how the boys are doing)  Anyway, we knew we made progress when Ben would sometimes call for papa in the middle of the night as oppose to always looking for mama.  I also give Bry credit for encouraging Ben to sleep on his own without having someone to carry, rock or tap him.  Bry would just lie down in Ben and they'd talk until they both fall asleep. 

Nowadays, we just lie down beside Ben until he sleeps on his own.  On some nights he'd ask for a story so that he can hear our voices until he falls asleep.  He always wants me to face him though.  He'd ask me to turn whenever I roll on the other aside.  On a good night, he can sleep soundly for 8 hours straight without waking us.  Of course there are still nights when we had to cuddle him when he wakes up in the middle of the  night, but no more feedings.  We make sure he finishes a glass of fresh milk before going to bed so he doesn't get hungry in the middle of the night. 

Does he still remember being breastfed?  I think he does.  There have been rare occasions when he'd pretend he's a baby and ask to "pretend nurse" for a minute or two.  (I'm fully covered but he'd want to be cradled)  I don't make a big deal about it because I know he's just playing pretend.

I miss breastfeeding, but I am glad that we weaned Ben when he seemed ready.  It has been a wonderful journey for our family, and it seems that we won't have to wait very long to start on it again ... yup, after two false alarms and a lot of prayers, we're pregnant :) Now, when we were praying for a sibling for Ben, our plan was to have another little one then that's it.  But God seems to have plans of his own because he's giving us twins!  We're 16 weeks now, happy but anxious, always hungry yet always nauseous, sleepy and tired all the time but can't relax because worried of the work ahead.  We hope that you pray with our family for a smooth pregnancy, safe birth and that we may be able to successfully breastfeed these little ones.  We'll need all the support we can get. :) 

Ben's Trick or Treat at school

This post is delayed but I wanted to share some pics from Ben's trick or treat at school. Our little master wanted to be Thor for a day. It was fun seeing the kids in costumes and we're very fortunate that Bry was around to take pictures. It was also nice that even the teachers took the time to put on costumes, too!

I think Ben enjoyed the simple program the school prepared for them. He patiently waited until we reached home to explore his loot bag. There's supposed to be another program during the last day before sem-break started but classes got suspended because of the weather =( They're rescheduling it once classes resume. I hope the kids will still enjoy it even if it was delayed.

Now that the long weekend is over, Ben and I will miss having daddy Bry around the whole day. At least we have school and swimming classes to keep us busy.

Wishing everyone a great month ahead :)