Thursday, November 29, 2012
Confessions of an Insecure Mommy
Ben is almost 3 years old and I must confess that until now I still feel quite insecure about my skills as a mom. Even if I am with Ben almost all the time, I still find myself affected with even the slightest comments about how he is raised. My mind tells me to take everything I hear constructively and objectively see what can be done to improve things, but my heart breaks every time I am made to feel that I am not doing a good job. I wish I'm able to just listen on one ear and let it go on the other, but I can't. I guess it is part of my personality. Ever since I was young I'm already easily affected by what people say and do around me. Over time, I learned to somehow set it aside and be my own person. However, once you become a parent, a person in charge of someone so precious, you want to be perfect and make as few mistakes as possible. This drive to become the best mom I can be for Ben can be a good thing, but also renewed my tendencies to be insecure and sensitive.
I try to be fair, pleasant, and choose my words carefully with those around me, hoping they would do the same. I do not expect praises, just a little understanding and compassion when it comes to talking about the most important job in the world to me. But of course, you cannot control the actions of others, only how you react to them. I remind myself to be smart, mature, and realize that as long as my child is generally happy and healthy, I am doing an okay job. It's easier said than done and I am work in progress. I am far from perfect but I am doing my very best and I'm giving Ben all the love and care I have in my heart.
Drama ba? :) These thoughts have been stressing me for quite some time now and I hope that by sharing, some newbie mom out there who feels the same way would realize that she isn't alone. More power to all of us mommies and daddies. May we always be reminded that despite all the craziness, we are doing a fine job!