Happy Birthday, Shoti!!! :)

My earliest memories with my brother were playing "school" with him. I was the teacher and he was the student.  Oh, along with that were the instances we pretended to be characters of the show Bioman with the other kids of our compound.  He waa Blue 3 and I was Yellow 4.  Fun times!

We do have our own fights and disagreements growing up, but as papa would always say "dalawa nalang nga kayo, kailangan magmahalan kayong dalawa", so as we matured, we have learned the value of sticking together and being each other's ally.

My brother is a big part of who I have become.  Even if I'm the older one. I am learning a lot from him.  He's loyal, trustworthy, responsible and has a good sense of humor.  He is also one of the people who would remind me to love and take care of myself even if I am so stressed taking care of the kids.

My relationship with my shoti is one of the reasons why I wanted Ben to have a sibling.  A sibling relates to you in a way that no one else can, from inside jokes, to your moods, to what it's like being raised by your parents, there are some things that only a brother and sister can fully understand. I pray that Ben and the twins would have a good relationship with each other just as I have with JP and Bry with his siblings.

Happy Birthday, Shoti! I wish you good health, happiness and most of all, prosperity (which I know you will share with your nephew and nieces, hehe!) Love you! 

My mommy time-out list :)

When you deal with young kids, you are faced with someone dealing with several kinds of emotions all throughout the day.  At Ben's age, he has been taught to try to regulate his emotions and use his words.   I'm not expecting him to be very good at it yet.  After all, even I myself have days when I want to just explode.  I admit, between Bryant and I, it is me that needs more work in keeping calm and not let my emotional breakdowns get the best of me.  I'm motivated to try harder not just for me but most especially for my kids.  After all, I can't expect them to behave if I can't.  

In my attempt to be more level headed and not add fuel to the fire by having my own tantrums when the kids are being challeging, here are some quick things I've been trying

1. Sing a calming song - my favorite (weird as it may seems) is Anima Cristi and You are my Sunshine - I do this when the twins are giving me a hard time at

night

2. Take a quick cool shower - sometimes, you feel better when you physically cool down 

3. Pray - I pray the rosary - it's repetitive, like meditating, or directly talk to God and ask for more patience

4. Swim, Jog or Dance to some feel good music - release that frustration!

5, Schedule a mommy date - sometimes what you need is to look forward to some adult conversation with someone who understands what you are going through.

6. Read a short feel good story - I'd suggest a book but maybe a chapter perhaps if there's not enough time

7. Watch an episode of your favorite sitcom - the distraction could calm you down

8.  Write about what you're feeling - doesn't have to be long.  Or color or paint - these calming tasks work for both kids and adults 

9,  Take deep breaths and think about 3 things you are grateful for

10.  Look at old videos or photos of the kids - and realize how much they've grown 

I am a work in progress.  Sometimes I forget (or I'm too proud) to pass the kids to someone more calmer and get back to them when I'm feeling better.  I hope that this list is a start of me trying to improve myself as a mom, and perhaps it can help others, too.

Anything else you'd like to suggests parents do in their "time-out"? :)

Thank You, Doc Miguel...

This is the last text message that I received from my kids' pedia pulmo.  It was the last text message he sent from his phone.  Dr. Miguel Javier passed away yesterday.  He had a heart attack as he was about to make a house call to us.  His wife called me this evening with the sad news.  

I am heartbroken.  Dr. Javier and his wife would visit us almost every other week because the kids have asthma and allergic rhinitis.  He has seen me in my worst days as I panic whenever the kids are sick. He patiently listens to my worries and answers my questions about the different types of medicines.  Over time, he has become not just a doctor but a friend as well.  He'd remember the kids' birthdays and would give them birthday and Christmas gifts.  He would call me to check on the kids a few days after he prescribes medicines to see if their response to them were ok.  He'd also check on the helpers and yayas when they're sick.   The whole household will surely miss him.

I remember how we first met.  I was scouting for a pedia-pulmonogist in the internet and his name came up.  I set an appointment for Ben but almost didn't make it but the secretary told me to still come over even if we were late.  I never would have thought he would be such an important part of our lives.  I am thankful to God that He sent Dr. Javier to take care of our kids even if it's

just during these early years.

My heart goes out to his family.  I've met

his wife and kids and could only imagine the pain they are going through.  I pray that God would bless his soul and comfort his family.  

Thank you, Doc Miguel for all you have done.  I'm missing you already.  Please watch over me, Bry and the kids.  Please pray for us and ask God to help heal us whenever we get sick.  We love you.

Falling in Love again with Swimming

One of the things I am grateful for is that my parents took me to swimming classes at a young age.  Until now, it's the only sport I actually know and enjoy.  I'm no expert but I can do my own laps.  I'm also grateful that I'm able to share with Ben my love of swimming.  I am happy that he is more confident in the water.  He's been practicing his freestyle and backstroke regularly and is now learning the butterfly.  Recently, he has been able to swim the whole 25 meters by himself.  (super proud mom, here!) I'm glad that he has made friends with his other classmates and has developed a good relationship with his coaches. 

Several weeks ago, I've been looking for a way to have some "me" time and "destress".  The lack of sleep and the energy I spend on taking care of the kids the whole day has taken a toll on me.  I was grouchy most of the time.  Thankfully, Ben's coaches encouraged me to do some laps while he's taking his lessons.  At first I admit I was unsure if I had what it takes to exercise because I might be too tired, but I found out that  after doing some exercise, I feel much better and have an extra boost of energy.

This is one of may fave swimsuits.  It has been with me for more than 15 years, no kidding!  I remember because my parents bought this for me after I recovered from a surgery that left a big scar on my back.  This i the only swimsuit that covers it.

Swimming with Ben gives me the mommy break I need.  I'm thankful that even if I am in the pool with Ben, I have the opportunity to get some exercise on my own.  The silence and focus that is required when I do my laps is quite refreshing.  Also,  I get to have adult conversations with other parents and coaches.  One of my dreams is to one day be able to teach other kids how to swim. I'm not sure if I'll eventually have the confidence and skill to do it, but in Go's time maybe I'll get to do that in the future.

So what do you do to get some mommy-daddy break? Do share! :)

Waiting, Waiting and Waiting

It is a time for waiting for the Team Tan.  Each one of us, the twins included, is waiting for something – an update, a package to be delivered, a milestone, etc.  Personally, it is a challenge for me to wait for something.  But I have come to understand that learning how to wait graciously is a grace in itself.

When one is in a stage of waiting, one can appreciate and be thankful for what he/she has at that very moment.  As I wait for the kids to reach another milestone, I am thankful to God for giving them to me and Bry to nurture.  I admit there are days when I wish they’re now more independent, but I do appreciate that maturity is a process.  The twins are the best reminder to me that each child grows differently and that I have to recognize their individuality. 

Whenever I am called to wait, I am reminded that I can only control so much.  Sometimes, no matter how hard you work for something to arrive quickly, circumstances change which put things on pause.  You end up not being able to do anything to make things faster.  You can, however, control your attitude towards waiting.  Recently, Ben and I were stuck in traffic for an hour (in what should have been a 20 minute trip).  I was so stressed and it was actually Ben who helped me calmed down.  He kept on asking questions about how taxi meters work, noticed that there are still some construction workers in the nearby job site despite the heavy rain, and at one point even asked me about why Jesus died and if He is now a ghost ( the answer is sort of complicated, right?) 

There are at times when we don’t know how long we have to wait, but we do have a choice on how we spend our time waiting.  I usually try to keep myself productive, busy and “distract” myself so that I don’t become grouchy and impatient.  I admit, however, that it is wiser to use the waiting time to take a step back, pray, and reflect on the thing you're waiting for, how important it is to you, and pray that in God's time it will come to you.

What I learned from the Tamang Kain seminar

the twins' first taste of solids at six months

Feeding a baby or a toddler is not easy, much more trying to feed twins.  To be honest, I get nervous every meal time because I’m crossing my fingers that the twins will be in a good mood to eat.  It’s hard, because you try to tell yourself to be flexible because each child has his/her own style when it comes to eating but at the same time, eating is a learned skill and discipline.

with fellows moms learning from Velvet.  It's nice to have mommy discussions in small groups, there's more room for questions and sharing of ideas

I’ve always wanted to attend the Tamang Kain Seminar of Velvet Escario-Roxas of Arugaan.  Arugaan is an infant creche that helps moms take care of their infants and toddlers, particularly when it comes to breastfeeding and proper complimentary feeding.  I was fortunate enough to be given the opportunity to listen to Velvet talk last month and I highly encourage other moms to do the same.  Here are just a few points that I’ve learned.

1.  Exclusive Breastfeeding until 6 months 
T   This allows the baby’s gut to mature and become ready for solids.  Also, breastfeeding provide your baby with the proper nutrition she/he needs as well as boosts his / her immune system.

2.   Serve indigenous foods that are in season 
      Our country is blessed with different fruits and vegetables all year round.  The wonderful thing about it is the fruits and vegetables that are in season are exactly the ones we need at that moment.  For example, produce that are rich in vitamin C are abundant during the rainy season when we need it the most to boost our immune system.

3.   For kids who are challenging to feed, the key is to have small frequent meals.  
     Force feeding will only traumatize the child.  Feeding your child few spoons full of food each hour may be less stressful than trying to feed a big portion in one sitting.

4.   For toddlers and older (one year and up), follow-on milk is not necessary.  Treat milk as a beverage and not as a meal replacement.  
  -  Milk companies advertise how their milk can help kids become smarter, stronger and meet the nutritional requirements of a child.  The truth is all nutritional needs of a child can be met without milk and giving formula that’s high in calories will only cause the child to have less appetite for solid food.  There are natural sources of DHA and RHA like fish and non-dairy source of calcium like malunggay (which contains 4x the calcium in milk)

5   Make mealtime a bonding activity for the family
     Make eating a fun and interactive activity for the family.  Share stories, allow the kids to feed themselves so they feel empowered.  Kids will eat more if their mealtimes are enjoyable and see that the adults are eating well, too.  Getting a child involved in preparing the meal may help him / her become more interested in eating.

6.  Read labels; Avoid food coloring, preservatives, and too much sugar 
     This is easier said than done but eating as healthy and as natural as possible has it’s long term benefits

7   Expose children to different textures of food 
     This will not only make them adventurous when it comes to eating but they become open to other new experiences as well

These are just a few guidelines that I have learned.  If you get an opportunity to attend this seminar, please take time to do so.  Focusing your energy in getting our children to eat properly takes a lot of time and effort, but it’s worth it.  The discipline a child learns when it comes to eating is not only applicable to food but to the other aspects of his/ her life as well. 

PS. I still have a long way to go in applying what I learned to the kids, but it's nice to have a target, right? Hope this post help :)

Co-sleeping with the kids

When I was pregnant with Bree and Bea, one of the concerns I had was the sleeping arrangement.  I wanted to sleep with the kids and give the yayas a break during the night, but I don't know if I can actually handle two babies on my own.  I was also concerned that if the girls sleep with Ben that they'd wake him up.  So for the first couple of nights, I tried sleeping with the girls in another room with a yaya.  That arrangement didn't last long.  The yaya complained that she didn't get to rest.  This was even if she was just a back-up during the night since I was directly breastfeeding the twins at night.  Ben was also looking for me at night.  So being in a different room made me sad and frustrated.

  Eventually, Bry encouraged me to try having all of us in one room at night.  It took some adjustment but we eventually got the hang of it.  I learned how to tandem feed the girls on my own when they wake up at night and Ben adjusted to the girls waking up in the middle of the night. This has been our arrangement ever since.

It may seem crazy, having all 3 kids in the room at night.  The boys share one big cushion at the floor.  The girls sleep on another one (also on the floor).  As for me, I transfer from one bed to another depending on which of the kids need me.  I also get to sleep on the main bed if I'm lucky.  It's tough but I survive because of two reasons (1) I breastfeed the girls direct which allow me to feed and soothe them right away and at the same time if needed.  This keeps the boys from being awaken at night and (2) Bry is a hands on dad who is willing to help soothe the kids when they wake up at night.

Our system is not perfect and definitely not easy.  There are nights when I really really miss having uninterrupted sleep.  There are nights when one child cries just as I am about to rest my head on the pillow.  What keeps me going is that as tiring as it may be, there will come a time when the kids will be more independent so I have to make most of this time that they need my their side (almost 24/7).

Co-sleeping is not easy, especially with more than one kid involved.  But it has its advantages.  At the start, it's a way to breastfeed long term because you get to direct feed at night which is convenient and good for maintaining supply.  For me, it helps you get to know your child better.  I'm the first one to notice if a child is not feeling well because she/he changes his/her sleeping pattern.  I get to listen to Ben sleeptalk about what happened at school.  It's also a way for us to bond because we are the last people we see before going to sleep and the first ones we see when we wake up in the morning. 

I know there will come a time when the kids will sleep in their own room. I look forward to those days.  But for now, I'll try my best to treasure these moments.

What's your current sleeping arrangement with your kids and why does it work for you?